In today's Mata Harian:
Christians offer Muslims the use of 'Jesus Christ'
by Yu See Lee
GUNUNG RAPAT: In another twist in the controversial saga, Malaysian Catholics have offered to Malaysian Muslims the use of the words 'Jesus Christ' in return for allowing them the use of the word 'Allah' in their Catholic weekly, The Herald.
'This is our way of expressing gratitude, a way of saying "no hard feelings, eh, chaps?"' said a member of the church body who declined to be named.
This has resulted in yet another controversy, this time among Catholics who protest the decision.
'We have been using the name Jesus Christ for centuries, even millennia. We called him Jesus Christ our saviour back when the Bible was only being read by the unwashed Hebrews,' said Yvette Yvangel. 'It's just not fair to let the Muslims have their way with it now."
Many others are also dismayed with the decision, especially those who were vocal against the government ban on the use of 'Allah' in The Herald. 'Why should we let those Muslims say the name of God in vain, especially when they didn't let us use theirs in the first place?' said Mathias Matthew, defacto leader of the Catholics Cross With Government Brigade.
'I hope this becomes clear when you realise that if any of our fellow Catholics ever read any of their Muslim weeklies, they will get confused and start believing their insidious lies. This is because we Catholics, like all Malaysians, are stupid, and are prone to believe everything we read without critical thinking.'
Mathias Matthew also said that he was confident the Malaysian government would ban Muslims from using the words 'Jesus Christ' because he knows the government also thinks Malaysians are stupid and gullible and therefore will do the 'right thing'.
He has threatened to take the fight online, starting with a group he is starting on Facebook. 'If we can get about a million fans, then maybe we can get this overturned," he said in a passionate plea to fellow Catholics.
Most Muslims on the other hand did not know what to make of this. 'Why would I want to use Jesus Christ?' asked Dato' Seri Mohd Muhammad Mohamed, lead cleric of the Association of Muslims Who Know How to Spell Propeli. 'It's much shorter and simpler to use "Nabi Isa Alaihissalam." Well, it is, if you abbreviate the last words into two letters. It's simple. Really!'
Atheists have also gotten into the controversy. 'As supreme leader of the Cult of Ath, I also hereby grant Muslims the right to use the name "Ath" for their god,' said the supreme leader of the Cult of Ath.
However this claim has not been sanctified by rival Atheist temples such as the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster and Bertrand Russell's Temple of the Celestial Teapot.
Previous articles from Mata Harian: