Skip to main content

From the pages of Mata Harian...(2)

In today's Mata Harian:

Christians offer Muslims the use of 'Jesus Christ'

by Yu See Lee

GUNUNG RAPAT: In another twist in the controversial saga, Malaysian Catholics have offered to Malaysian Muslims the use of the words 'Jesus Christ' in return for allowing them the use of the word 'Allah' in their Catholic weekly, The Herald.

'This is our way of expressing gratitude, a way of saying "no hard feelings, eh, chaps?"' said a member of the church body who declined to be named.

This has resulted in yet another controversy, this time among Catholics who protest the decision.

'We have been using the name Jesus Christ for centuries, even millennia. We called him Jesus Christ our saviour back when the Bible was only being read by the unwashed Hebrews,' said Yvette Yvangel. 'It's just not fair to let the Muslims have their way with it now."

Many others are also dismayed with the decision, especially those who were vocal against the government ban on the use of 'Allah' in The Herald. 'Why should we let those Muslims say the name of God in vain, especially when they didn't let us use theirs in the first place?' said Mathias Matthew, defacto leader of the Catholics Cross With Government Brigade.

'I hope this becomes clear when you realise that if any of our fellow Catholics ever read any of their Muslim weeklies, they will get confused and start believing their insidious lies. This is because we Catholics, like all Malaysians, are stupid, and are prone to believe everything we read without critical thinking.'

Mathias Matthew also said that he was confident the Malaysian government would ban Muslims from using the words 'Jesus Christ' because he knows the government also thinks Malaysians are stupid and gullible and therefore will do the 'right thing'.

He has threatened to take the fight online, starting with a group he is starting on Facebook. 'If we can get about a million fans, then maybe we can get this overturned," he said in a passionate plea to fellow Catholics.

Most Muslims on the other hand did not know what to make of this. 'Why would I want to use Jesus Christ?' asked Dato' Seri Mohd Muhammad Mohamed, lead cleric of the Association of Muslims Who Know How to Spell Propeli. 'It's much shorter and simpler to use "Nabi Isa Alaihissalam." Well, it is, if you abbreviate the last words into two letters. It's simple. Really!'

Atheists have also gotten into the controversy. 'As supreme leader of the Cult of Ath, I also hereby grant Muslims the right to use the name "Ath" for their god,' said the supreme leader of the Cult of Ath.

However this claim has not been sanctified by rival Atheist temples such as the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster and Bertrand Russell's Temple of the Celestial Teapot.

Previous articles from Mata Harian:


  1. Find out about The Return of City of Stories!


Post a comment

Popular posts from this blog

HOWTO: Get Rid of Silverfish

The bane of every book collecting person: the Silverfish. DUN DUN DUNNNNN!!! How to get rid of them? If one book has been infected, place it inside an air-tight plastic bag along with some silica gel desiccant. The silica gel is important to get rid of moisture, because you will now place the sealed plastic bag with the book in it inside the freezer. Leave it in there for a couple of days so that those bugs catch their death of cold. If you're feeling particularly paranoid, (like I usually am) feel free to leave the plastic bag in there for a week. If they're not dead, then you might likely have an infestation of zombie silverfish , which is out of the scope of this blogpost. But what if a whole colony of silverfish decided to invade your whole bookcase? Then you have to make sure you're ready for war. Place a generous amount of silica gel (or if you can find it, diatomaceous earth) behind your books at the back of the shelves so that moisture levels remain low.

Hitting 1000.

Last night Sharon quoted Raman of having said to writers when they bring him their manuscripts for publishing, "How many books have you read? Have you read a thousand books? If not, get out and go read a thousand books, then come back with your manuscript." His point being, you've got to have read a lot if you want to be a writer. And I thought to myself, a thousand books isn't so bad. I've probably read more. Er...Wrong. After some quick calculations, we determined that if a person read a book per week, it would take around 20 years to reach a thousand. I'm a slow reader. I'm only 25. There's no way I've read 1000 books my whole life! When I got home I counted the books in my house. I estimate I own around 300 books, probably another 300 left at my parents's house. That's only around 600 books that I own... and a lot less that I've read! So with that number in mind, I have resolved to start keeping track of my book reading. I ne

The Water Tower.

Back in February, I heard that local publisher Silverfish was accepting submissions for their new short story compilation. I've always wanted to get into some serious writing, so I sat down and wrote The Water Tower . Then I rewrote it again for another six times. But alas, the story was rejected. Oh well. Here it is anyway. I present to you, my first short story. Enjoy! ( Please? ): Suresh once asked what I loved so much about exploring. “Seeing new things, new places. Seeing what kids in the other neighbourhoods do in the evenings,” I had said. “The kids elsewhere do the same thing other kids do lah,” he replied. “No, sometimes they have different activities. What they do depends on what’s around them. And what’s around them is what I look forward to finding when I go exploring.” “What do you mean, around them? Like what?” “Like the airport. The kids in that neighbourhood play different games than in other housing areas. I think it’s the noise. Or the planes.” “The airport!