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My brother-in-law got married yesterday and I was the best man.

Let me tell you something.

If you ever get the chance to become a best man at someone's wedding, at that wedding happens to be a Malay wedding and takes place in Johor, then I suggest you don't do it.

It's pure madness I tell you! And don't come to me crying afterwards. It'll be too late by then. I'll spare you the told-you-sos.

I have never seen such uncivilised behaviour at a wedding. Is that what the Malays call adat? Count me out of service, out of Johor, I wouldn't hang about.

But I'm one for talk aren't I? Should I be talking about barbarism in Johor when I will be seeing Wall-e tonight in IOI Puchong? You think the Goths and the Vikings were barbaric. Hah! I say you wouldn't know barbarism before you have had a chance to see a movie in IOI Puchong.

Also if anyone finds my syntax atrocious, please feel free to resyntax this post.


  1. Poor Ted, you are probably shocked by the way they do things there. Hehe.

    Being a half-Johorean, I really enjoy those havoc moments during weddings. As they say, one person junk is another man treasure.

  2. haha! yeah, you're probably right... I AM in shock... Maybe I shouldn't have experienced my first Johorean wedding as a pengapit.

    (Technically this isn't my first Johorean wedding, because when I got married, it was in Kluang... but I was blessed with in-laws who go for just fulfilling what's wajib rather than tradition so it probably doesn't count.)

  3. Errr, what happened? Tell me! I don't know. Never married johor girl. Or attend any wedding in Johor.

  4. Guh! Where to start?

    1) Guests (or probably family or the kampong neighbours) singing karaoke loudly during zohor azan and prayers. The surau was only a few houses away and yet with all the people at the kenduri only ten people prayed there and even then most of us were from my brother-in-law's family. Three of the people praying there were bangladeshi workers.

    2) The collection of "toll". While I understand this is normal in a Johor Malay wedding and accept this... I was totally taken aback by the rudeness and blatant greed of the "toll-collectors". I was made to understand only children were to come up to us (me and the groom) and demand the toll but the way things turned out, I think every mat rempit gang in the kampung came out in full force, pushed the little kids aside (I'm serious), and demanded AT LEAST two packets of money each. Dude! One packet only had RM1 in it. Why so desperate? What's up with that?

    There were a few other things I found questionable but those were the sore points that really stuck out with me.

    I'm just glad that didn't happen during MY wedding. Phew!

  5. Dude, those two points you raised up means that the host got it out of control.

    1) Quite a number of DJs I've met are rather inconsiderate. So it's up to the host committee to give strict orders to them to mind the prayers and volume. I played that role myself several times.

    2) Toll collection should be strictly friends & family affair. Small packets to the little ones while the fat ones to the elders or the siblings of the lady. The amount are usually preset as this is should be just another gift and celebration.

    But then, back the olden days the Mak Andam is the one who dictates the toll collection as she gets a cut of the money. She will even tear the packet in front of people and count it. If she's not satisfied, she will demand more. Truly embarrassing if run into this kind of people at weddings, worse than Samy Vellu.

  6. From the way things looked, my suspicion is that not only did the host lose control, the host's more "outstanding" family members took it upon themselves to establish their form of control on the proceedings...

    As for the toll collection being strictly a family affair, as far as I knew, that was what it was supposed to be. But somehow the gangs of mat rempit hijacked the event. The way it turned out it certainly didn't feel like an act of giving, but rather like being extorted. We actually ran out of packets because we didn't expect the onslaught that happened. Good thing we had some extra cash on hand -_-"

    The mak andam we had was the total opposite of your example and was the only level-headed person of the lot. I was only willing to give her her packet of RM50 when she blocked our way at the altar... thank goodness she didn't rip it open and complain about our stinginess! Or else we'd be screwed cos by then we had already ran out of money...

    Remember folks, eloping is always a good option! :D

  7. i'm suffering from culture shock just reading this!

    but looking on the bright side, there has to be a story in here!

  8. I think there is! But I'll file it away for now. Will use the experience in a story when necessary.


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